YEADING ABS F.C Date: 15 Feb 07
Yeading Abs F.C.
Formed August 2006
Home Pitch; Yeading community Center, Willow Tree playing fields Ditchfield road
Manager – Bradley Harper aka The Gaffer
Assistant Manager – Aidan McLaughlin aka Jimmy Neutron
Chairman – Gary Gilchrist aka The Gov’
Treasurer – Patricia Horn aka The Fairy Godmother
Water girls – Kim and Claire aka Fatties
Chef – Gary Gilchrist aka The Gov
Linesman - Brendan Gilchrist aka Sick Note
Players:
Goal Keeper –
Bradley Harper aka. F.A. Cup Ears
Jonathan Desoisa – Tiny Tim
Defenders –
David Storey aka Smiler
Aidan McLaughlin aka. Jimmy Neutron
Matty Taylor aka. Haircut
Ralph Blake aka Cant Kick Wont Kick
Matthew Plaskett aka longest in shower
Brendan Gilchrist aka Sick Note
Jonathan Hartnett aka ladies man
Midfielders –
Ross Brabender aka Haggis
Anthony Frankland aka Granny lover
Alex Simmonds aka the shy one
Graham Harper aka cool and collective
Rory Hartnett aka The Posh One
Richard Wakefield aka Toes
Anthony Keating aka Tour de Yeading
Strikers…..if that’s you call them!! –
Daniel Leahy aka AWOL
Liam Ruffell aka Crouchy
Billy Bryant aka Speedy Gonzalez
Visit official Website for all match details and league tables
Training:
Team Training is an essential ritual in which this team takes very seriously… what I mean by this is that you can normally see the team watching videos or tapes on Sky Sports most Wednesday Evenings in the Brookhouse Pub. However dramatic changes are about to be taken place as the management feel that the team can improve their training programme, by introducing running or jogging in some cases on Wednesdays instead…. Watch This Space!!!
Match day:
Are normal procedure is very important to the preparation that we undergo before a match, this normally consists of meeting an hour before the match so that we can talk tactics, get changed and have a sufficient warm-up… however due to unexplained events you can normally find the team either in bed, at Mc Donald’s getting a large Double Sausage and Egg Mc Muffin Meal or Hayes Café. Home matches are not looked forward to as the players dread the moment Bradley shouts to all players “split into two teams and do the nets” this means that two teams are to form and set up the football nets in the goals, on most occasions one team has 7 players the other has 3 players and the other 4 or 5 pretend to be doing their laces or making sure the air is pumped up in the ball by kicking it to each over. And where would the team be without the water supplied by the Fatties at half time….they put so much effort into making sure the water is at the right temperature, and if the boys are really good they treat us by putting orange and blackcurrant mixture through the water for our environment. Keep Up The Good Work Girls!!
Normally the boys are in a good mood when we return to the brook after the game for our post-match meal. Our post-match meal is prepared by a Gordon Ramsey wannabe, however you can’t knock the grub! However there was a replacement chef for two weeks who received mixed feelings about the food, her name was Ming-lee Wong otherwise know to Gary as “Ting-Tong”. I think based on last week’s food the normal fatty foods such as cocktail saussies, curly fries, chicken nuggets and prawns are a good hit. But complaints have been made about certain members of the squad who insist on a technique called plate pilling, this is when you stack your plate in reserve and then eat off the platter until there is no food left for anyone else and then finish the food you had in reserve!! Not mentioning any names (Anthony Frankland and Richard Wakefield) but could you refrain from doing so please.
Players yet to make competitive debut:
Brendan Gilchrist (due to horrific injury)
Rory Hartnett (always at University smoking drugs)
Player Awards:
- Mr. Vain – Ralph Blake aka cant kick wont kick
- Most Shocking Haircut – Matty Taylor aka Haircut
- Best Dancer – this is a close one between David Storey aka smiler and Ralph Blake aka Cant Kick Wont Kick
- Worst Dancer – Liam Ruffell aka Crouchy
- Mr. Moaner – Daniel Leahy aka AWOL or Graham Harper aka cool and collective
- Mr. Pisshead – Daniel Leahy aka AWOL
- Mr. Betting – Bradley Harper aka F.A. Cup ears and Ross Barbender Haggis
- Mr late – Ralph Blake aka Cant Kick Wont Kick and Aidan McLaughlin aka. Jimmy Neutron
- Mr. Joker – Anthony Frankland aka Granny Lover
Interesting Facts about the team:
Number of players who smoke: 4
- Number of players with girlfriends or wives: 5 (for all you ladies…most of the team are single)
- Granddad of the squad – Graham Harper 43
- Baby Member of Squad: Matty Taylor was 18 in January AHHHH
- How many players are still at school or college: 4
On a serious note, this our 1st season playing in the Adult League and the 1st year that Bradley and Aidan has gone into management. For our club to play every Sunday is one achievement in its self let alone win any games. Just like to say on behalf of the team that everyone involved, should be very proud of the achievements that the club has achieved so far and let it continue for many seasons to come.
We have reached our 1st Final of the season. Its in the Harrow League Division 4 Cup being played at Yeading F.C. Springfield Road on Tuesday10th of April, we would much appreciate it if we could get as much support as possible…so hope to see you there!!
Alex Simmonds aka the Shy One Anthony Frankland aka Granny Lover Anthony Keating aka Tour de Yeading
Billy Bryant aka Speedy Gonzalez Brad Harper aka The Gaffer Daniel Leahey aka AWOL
David Storey aka Smiler Liam Ruffell aka Crouchy Mathew Plaskett aka Longest in Shower
Matty Taylor aka Haircut Ralph Blake Can't Kick Won't Kick Richard Wakefield aka Toes
Ross Barbender aka Haggis
